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Top 10 things Hugo Chavez says on a daily basis

I recently provided a sample of my comedic style to a potential freelance client. Thought I’d share it with you:
Top 10 things Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez says on a daily basis

10. “What?! You disagree with me? I sure hope you have your life insurance premiums paid up!”

9. “Let’s see, what color of shirt should I wear today? Such a tough choice between red, red or red.”

8. “Memo to self: the next time King Juan Carlos I tells me to shut up, I’ll respond, ‘Oh yeah? Your mama speaks Tex-Mex!'”

7. “Sorry, Fidel, but due to the economy, Venezuelan oil will now cost 10 Cohiba cigars a barrel instead of eight.”

6. “Red shirt, but what shade of red? Burgundy , crimson, Marlboro, scarlet, auburn?”

5. “Let’s review tonight’s speech: Bush is evil, blah blah blah, capitalist pigs belong in hell, blah blah blah, it’s an insult to snakes to call Dick Cheney a snake, blah blah blah, up with the workers and down with the bourgeois. Looks good.”

4. “Sí, Señor Sean Penn, if you run out of cigarettes, you can blame it on President Bush.”

3. “I’m bored. Let’s torture an opposition leader.”

2. “How about if we change the name of Venezuela to Chavez-land?”

1. “It’s pronounced Oogo, NOT Hugo!”
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